Redemption

I'm a stress eater, a bored eater, you name it. I emotionally eat. And lately I have been super stressed worrying about the longevity of my job. The kind of worrying that feels like an earthquake is coming.. and I want comfort food!

The last couple of days have suddenly become the most difficult in this whole time of living veg. I feel so incredibly guilty for even having the thought.. so softly in my head.. the thought of eating a Chic-Fil-a sandwich. And then the whispered thought gets louder, like seriously I want a ....! At this moment I'm typing this I still can't believe I even struggled with that thought and its gross to me.. at this moment. Sitting by the fire, listening to some new music Matt got - "For Tet"- I'm not stressed at this moment and can think clearly. 

Why is it Chic-fil-a? Why am I admitting that thought to anyone? The first time I faced this temptation Matt talked me out of it.. This time I made it all the way into the drive-thru line and then ordered a salad no meat, no cheese and a side of waffle fries. I was proud that I conquered that temptation, but then at dinner that night with Matt I actually ordered fish tacos AND ate 1. I don't know what to think about it. The taste definitely was not worth it. Why do fish not hold a place in my heart? Do I have a compassionate preference for mammals over birds and fish? Maybe.

I thought giving in that once would put the end to it, but then this morning I woke up with the craving for Chic-Fil-a breakfast sandwiches. What's wrong with me? I think Chic-Fil-a needs to market their spices so I can fry some tofu or seitan and be done with it.

Today was a whirlwind of vegan doubt, and my mind was blank for why I was doing this, could I really do this forever? .. AND THEN...

I checked the mail! I opened my blood lab work results and was completely shocked! All of my levels are now NORMAL! OMG! I know this doesn't mean much to you who are reading this right now. But to me it means the world. It means the chance to have children naturally with no need for drugs. It means my diet really has cured my PCOS. A year ago my levels were all over the place and out of all the normal limits. And today I know why I am doing what I am doing. 

Today I have new meaning behind my commitment.

Yeah!