meat or not to meat

Honestly, I've been struggling lately. Not with physically wanting to eat meat, but just with being different.. It is mentally hard to hold this stance. My mind wants to go back to the easy days where I could enjoy the same meal as my husband, or go to any restaurant with my family, or just enjoy the simplicity of being 'normal'. 

Convenience, simplicity, ease of mind. 

I can feel the disgust fading some, and it is easier to not think about meat in that way. 

I have heard vegans use slavery and the holocaust as a metaphor for the plight of these animals, and that has really stayed with me. I try to remember the scope & reality of what I am up against. And this is what grounds me. The massive number of animals that are enslaved from birth to live a cruelly short & painful life. The reality is too painful to think about, too painful to remember. 

I didn't begin my vegan journey for the rights of these animals. I thought I could shed a few pounds and was disgusted with the pesticide & toxic levels of animal products. I thought I could probably avoid meat & dairy forever just knowing how "infected" it might be. But those reasons have not held me steady. 

It is the knowledge of the suffering that holds me committed. The image of a scared calf being pulled by his tail from the veal crate. How is he any different than my dog? 

We think it is so crazy that people in China often eat cats and dogs. Does a cow, chicken or pig not feel pain? Do they not suffer?

It is with a heavy heart that I realize that I have opened the door to the truth and I am stuck with that knowledge. And not just the knowledge of the suffering of farm animals. I have opened the door to compassion and the desire to know what is going on in the world. And the truth is overwhelmingly depressing.